 (Nick Galifianakis for The Post) | Dear Carolyn: Since our second child was born, my husband has grown more resentful of my parents. They are very particular people, also very loving, and they want a lot of time with us — they bought a townhouse in our city — but don't ever offer to babysit. I have to ask, and it always feels like a significant ask. I make sure it is balanced out by time with all of us together and largely on their terms. Lawn care, mundane errands and my mom's crazy sleep schedule are perennial excuses for why they aren't available, so there's a false scarcity of time that I have to navigate. Also, if a diaper accidentally gets left out or if the kids make a mess at mealtime, there's a 50-50 chance it will put a damper on the whole day. This past weekend, I put the kids down for a nap at my parents' house because they were so tired. I forgot to make the bed my daughter slept in, and my parents were so upset about it they ignored my calls for 24 hours afterward, when my mom called to say how insulted they were and that they were leaving town early. I apologized, and eventually they decided to stay "to work on the lawn," but they never took us up on getting together that visit. My husband loves them, and they love him, but the drama and unreliability are becoming a problem. They just invited us to their 40th anniversary dinner, no kids, and I'm resentful that I need to pay for a babysitter to hang out with them, when babysitting from them is so scant. They want us to go on vacations with them. And the thing is, aside from this kind of petty drama, we all get along! But seeing them takes a lot out of me — navigating all the scheduling and emotional demands from them and also talking my husband down when he gets frustrated about it. I feel like I can't voice my own frustrations about it around him, or else I'll feed his resentment. — In the Middle |
