| I am the family planner. As such, I've generally organized the special occasions and vacations for our gang of four, which means that I especially wanted them to (1) happen and (2) live up to expectations. Note the "up." Never did I go into a vacation hoping it would be merely okay, which certainly would have been healthier and more realistic. I was always the person most disappointed if some screwup occurred; my now-grown daughters and husband are thankfully much more adaptable. I am aware of this shortcoming and am continuing to work on accepting glitches and delays in our now less-frequent – and therefore more cherished – time together as a family. I didn't have a simple, metaphorical way to get that point across to myself, however, until I read an article aimed at 20- and 30-somethings (this is one of the fun things about editing Wellness stories; you can find helpful advice in any of them). The story, by editorial aide Helen Carefoot, details the unexpectedly difficult transition she experienced when she moved back to D.C. from her parents' home in California, and offers loads of tips for younger people trying to pick up their pre-pandemic lives where they left off. There was also one bit of advice that especially applied to this older control freak. In a section about mapping out a new routine, an expert advised "planning in pencil" because events can change so easily. "Hold things lightly," she said. I love that: Hold things lightly. The funny thing is, I enthusiastically plan in pencil for work. Writers can miss deadlines, articles can have unexpected complications, developments can break. Planning in pencil is the only thing that makes sense in the news business. But there are similar threats to plans made in private life: Priorities can shift, schedules can change, weather can interfere, a worldwide pandemic can come along. Yet, somehow, I'd always thought it was a good idea to schedule important happenings and all their moving parts in pen. Of course, all of this is metaphorical; most of my planning is done online. But the concept of planning in pencil works for me in a visceral manner, whereas reminding myself, "Don't count too much on this vacation/celebration/performance of 'Hamilton,' because you'll be crushed if it's canceled" does not. I think this is the way of wellness: You already know what's good for you, but sometimes something will come along – a phrase, a hack, a technique – that allows you to finally implement that advice you've heard a zillion times. Slowly, my husband and I have started making plans again. A family vacation to West Virginia in August, a fall visit to California to see friends and relatives, perhaps the rescheduling of the trip to celebrate our 30th anniversary. I'm trying not to get too excited. In my mind's eye, I've got these travels penciled in on a calendar, and I'm holding on lightly. Take care! | By Allyson Chiu, Lindsey Bever and Ariana Eunjung Cha ● Read more » | | | |
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