 (Nick Galifianakis for The Post) | Adapted from an online discussion. Dear Carolyn: I grew up without really knowing my father, since he left my mom and me when I was an infant. He contacted my mom when I was in high school and slowly started making amends and becoming part of our lives again. My mom died when I was in college, and he was really supportive and we started getting close. Now years later I'm a working single mom because my daughter's father lives in Europe. My father lives with us and is an enormous help with my daughter. Because I want my daughter to know my mom, who was the most wonderful woman ever and made me the person I am, I have always talked about her and showed my daughter lots of pictures and videos. At age 5, she's starting to ask questions about why Grandpop isn't in any of the pictures or stories, and I feel it's time to tell her. My father agrees but wants to be the one to do it, alone, just the two of them. I have really come to love my father but one fault he has is trying to make excuses for abandoning us. I know he was only 19, but my mom was only 20. Also, there are those 13 long years before he came back. It doesn't make him a bad person, but I don't want my daughter thinking that was okay. My daughter's father asked if I wasn't letting my dad do this as a way of punishing him for the past. That's not my intention and I'd hate to think I'm doing it subconsciously. What do you think: Which of us should explain the past to my daughter? My inclination is not to say more than is age-appropriate for a 5-year-old. The details can wait until the child can better grasp the implications. — Mom | 
