 (Nick Galifianakis for The Post) | Dear Carolyn: My husband and I have a 4-year-old. I come from a toxic family full of addiction. I'd love a relationship with some of them, but they come as a package deal. We haven't spoken in four-plus years and I have no plans to change that. I thought I was marrying into a "super healthy" family, but eventually, after years of therapy, I realized they are just healthier than mine, which isn't much of a standard. That said, his dad is a great example of learning and growth, and his mom (divorced) is mostly manageably erratic. She also had/has addiction issues. His brother drives me nuts. He has had enough therapy to learn words like "boundaries" and "self-care," but not enough to learn what a boundary is. He has actively chosen not to be in our son's life. After my husband had depression this summer, my brother-in-law cut us out permanently, believing my husband just wasn't making enough of an effort. That stung. The point is that my poor son is getting very low on family members. All five biological uncles and aunts are estranged. He has four grandparents, two estranged. We have two cousins far away, and my two best friends, who are the most involved "aunties" you'll ever meet. What is this teaching my son about family? That it is expendable? Not worthwhile? That there is no permanence, import, between parents, children, siblings? We have already decided not to have more children because we don't trust sibling relationships. I'm truly fearful he'll get the idea that you estrange from a family member as easily as you throw away a napkin. What do I do? — Low on Family | 
